Issue 4 cover

How Ramona Saved the Ducks

by Allan Richard Shapiro

Issue 4 :: Spring 2009 (stories)

“Stop talking to your dress, Mona.”

“Sorry, Mommy.”

Eleanor has her elbows on the table and her hands together. At first glance you would think she is saying grace, but she is actually praying to God to grant her the strength to not murder her husband. Her parents, Sergey and Stella, are seated to her right; Esau’s, Iris and Stanley, to her left. Sitting between them, Eleanor experiences subsequent fits of rage and calm. Irresistible wellbeing when she looks at Esau’s mother and Sodom-and-Gomorrah hellfire when she looks at her own. “Mona, honey, can you please go find your father for me.”

“Sure, Mommy.” Ramona looks down at her empty plate and then at her dress. “I know,” she says to it, “I know already. Geez!”


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"How Ramona Saved the Ducks" is roughly 7310 words.

Allan Richard Shapiro would much rather have been an astronaut, as there is no truer form of nothing than nothingness. But since Allan Richard Shapiro does not fly well, he chose to become a writer, and has discovered a better sense of nothing within his own soul. And now, he would much rather be an architect. Further reverberations by Allan Richard Shapiro can be found in The Ne'er-Do-Well (">, except Allan Richard Shapiro is referred to there as Allan Shapiro, having written "How Jacob Met Daphne" before he had his Richard reattached.