Issue 1 cover

Item 27

by Mike Procter

Issue 1 :: Autumn 2007 (stories)

For your immediate enjoyment, the full text of Item 27 has been recorded--you can begin listening to it now, free! Item 27 was recorded by Kaolin Fire, with permission of Mike Procter. The music in the background is titled Accralate and is made available by Kevin MacLeod under the Creative Commons Attribution License via

So I'm going through my list and I get to Item 27, "Off someone". And I can't really remember even putting that one down, but it's there on the list. And the list is sacred. I can't just start dropping things off because they're inconvenient, or there's no point in having the list in the first place. The list exists to push me to try new things. Step outside of my comfort zone.

I compromise and change it to "Have someone offed", because I'm pretty sure that's what I must have meant. I add some quotes around the word "offed" to show that it's not a real word, and I realize I'm stalling. But how do I start? Putting aside the fact that I don't even have a victim—recipient? target? target—I haven't the faintest idea how to go about finding a person in the "offing" business.

But then, if it was easy, it wouldn't be on the list.


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"Item 27" is roughly 1000 words.

Mike Procter lives in Calgary, Alberta with his wife Cheryl and their two laptops. People who know him wonder what he does all day. He writes about life, and stuff. Mostly stuff.